The Ephemeral Nature of Friendship
Author: Satvika Mahapatra
Growing up, all the adults in life would tell me I would eventually grow out of things, of the people in my life. “No, of course, I won’t”, I would reply back stubbornly. I used to think everything and everyone in my life would be a part of my life forever. I could not wrap my naïve head around letting go of anyone back then. Now that I’m two years into “adulthood”, I can say that I’ve realized that friends come and go and not everyone is meant to stay forever.
We make our first friends in school. Chances are you remember them regardless of whether you’ve kept in touch with them after all these years or not. Within a day or two of meeting them, you encounter experiences like meeting new teachers and spending break time together. Friendship is often founded on shared experiences. We naturally gravitate towards people who are experiencing the same things as us and would therefore be able to relate to the same things. Eventually, we spend more time with them, share more about each other, and decide that we’re going to be friends forever.
I used to think so too until I started going to a new school after spending 8 years in my old school in a familiar environment where I knew almost everyone in my grade. A year into my new school year, I started realizing that maybe not all friendships were meant to last. People that I had been friends with for several years were suddenly people that I just used to know. It was a bitter realization but an important one we’ve all probably had in our lives at some point.
As we grow older, I think we become pickier with choosing the type of people that we let into our lives. As aspects of our life alter, so does our mentality. We tend to veer towards people with who we share personality traits or hobbies. We gravitate towards people with similar lifestyles or experiences. But as those experiences change, so do our relationships. Perspectives change and suddenly you find yourself reevaluating years’ worth of friendships. We could be the best of friends with somebody for a good part of our life but as the years go by, you go your own ways and the friendship starts to fade. It’s neither party’s fault. It’s just how things work out sometimes and there is a certain beauty to it.
We befriend a lot of people in our life and it’s nearly impossible to maintain a long-lasting relationship with every one of them. Some friendships endure countless changes and stick with you for life but most do not. We should try our best to reciprocate the love we receive but should not feel guilty because a best friend becomes a friend or a friend becomes just somebody you used to know. Some friends will grow with you while some will grow apart. It’s a harsh truth but we must accept it.
A fading friendship is often seen as a sign of bad blood, or one hurting the other, or lack of caring. While it definitely could be one of those things, most of the time it’s just circumstances. Other relationships might start taking higher priority or you move away, physically or emotionally. It’s a change in lifestyles and environments. Friends can be like seasons; meant to be in your life for a certain time and then you go your own ways.
Thinking back on past friends that I’ve grown distant from is a bittersweet feeling. When I think back on all the conversations we’ve had and the experiences we’ve shared it makes me realize that while they are not a part of my life anymore, they were crucial to my life at one point and I cherish the time I had with them. Our time as friends had served its purpose but it wasn’t meant to be forever. And that is okay. Maybe some people are meant to leave to make space for new people to enter our lives.
Ultimately, when things like similar interests and habits or lifestyles that were once the base of a friendship start changing, the dynamic of the relationship itself starts changing.
Friendships can be temporary but each friend you make leaves an impression on you and adds something to your life. Embracing this reality can cause us to have deeper gratitude for our friendships, however long one lasts. It will help us look back on past friendships with fondness and will give us a greater appreciation for the few close people we have in our lives today that have made it this far with you.
Happy Friendship Day! 🌸
