The Bittersweet Truth
~ A Perspective by Anushka Singh about the life and regrets of a soldier on the battlefield
Dedicated to the CRPF and our Indian Armed Forces, all the Bravehearts of our nation.
JAI HIND
My journey through life sure has been an adventure. A vast sea of lessons and opportunities. One has so many expectations. With determination, I have been able to accomplish most of it but sometimes I find myself in situations over which I can’t seem to have any control in. This has been the bittersweet lesson of my life. Being a soldier and serving my country had always been a dream of mine. Now that I take my last breaths, experiencing the kind of death everyone hopes for, laying down your life while protecting one’s nation, I feel overwhelmed. There’s a storm of emotions raging inside me. Satisfaction from knowing I could at least do my bid, hope that it can bring my country closer to its former splendor, and guilt for abandoning my family alone.
I still clearly remember the day that I decided I’d become a soldier. Each morning it was my chore to buy milk from the milkman who used to live far away from our house. This proved to be a nice excuse as I sprinted through the grassy fields spilling the milk I brought, just so I wouldn’t miss the army convoy. The exhilaration and thrill that coursed through my body upon seeing them was incomparable to anything else. I used to run behind waving and saluting them. I can still feel the joy I used to experience when they returned my greetings. My parents reluctantly had to accept my decision to become a soldier as there was no reason in the world that could change my mind. Their reluctance had changed to appreciation over the years.
The curiosity, happiness, and anxiety that I had on the first day of my training is something I can never forget. People say the best memories are made in school and in your college, but when you share a bond which entails protecting each other’s lives, the word “BATCHMATE” begins to hold profound meaning. Those lessons, fights, punishments, and bets are worth everything. The way we used to celebrate each other’s festivals and mourn sorrows together will always be a core memory imprinted in my heart.
I find myself being unwillingly transported back to the present by my conscience. My friends are trying to get me to the base hospital quickly, but I know it’s time. I know that my time has arrived after taking one bullet to the chest and two to the shoulders. However, I’m relieved that I survived taking out atleast some of my foes. People around me are asking me not to die on them. My youngest daughter would be turning two this year. I would not be there when she takes her first steps. My son, who has always introduced me pridefully to his friends…. I can’t bear to see that innocence diminish with my death. The ambience when I used to come back from my long-due leave of duty was no less than a festival for them. They had always tried to hide their hardships from me. All those ups and downs when I was neither physically nor emotionally available for them. The only thing I can hope for is their forgiveness. I will not be able to fulfill my promise of always being there. Their tears and cries at the tribute ceremony will hurt me more than these bullets.
Some might think I would regret my choices. I could have chosen a different profession and lived a safer life. At least I would have been alive, with my family. But even if I tried I couldn’t have chosen any differently. Even today as I am far away from my loved ones, I still am with loved ones because the definition of family for me has never just been limited to those belonging to the same blood as mine. I had long ago, already chosen to make the whole country my family, and like any other person I had chosen to always protect my family, no matter the cost, no matter the consequences, no matter what my memory will remain in the aftermath of my struggle.
Check Out The Following:
Author’s Instagram: @anushkasingh_002
CRPF India’s Instagram: @crpf_india
Indian Army’s Instagram: @indianarmy.adgpi
