Hiraeth
~ A Pride Month Poem By Aishani Chakraborty
A teardrop rolls down, startling. I let it fall.
No haste is required, no need to hide. Not anymore.
Another flows quietly, just as the memories do,
a torrent of love sprinkled with pain as coarse as sea salt.
Something so beautiful, yet so sad.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here.
The city lights sparkle, the sirens blare.
It’s beautiful, lonely, nothing changes when everything does.
I dig my hands into the earth, feeling.
The sand slips through my fingers,
And maybe I should have held on tighter.
Emotions swirl like the froth of waves,
the new feeling of acceptance battles with the older tides of regret,
The confidence to love aloud seeks out the whispery reminiscence of love lost.
Lost in the water, snatched away by the tides of homophobia,
The waters rippled in hostility,
But maybe I should have held on tighter.
The leaves quiver in the soft wind, I don’t, not anymore.
The voices no longer play their bitter melodies, the vicious stares don’t pierce.
But the wind still blows a lone leaf away,
And maybe I should have held on tighter.
A cool breeze picks up, a soft tinkling sound,
gone are the malicious whispers, gone is the boy I loved.
And maybe I should have held on tighter.
Phantom laughter rings through my soul
Broken smiles, damp cheeks, clammy hands.
The wind doesn’t carry it all away, the heaviness of agony stays.
The waves crash into the distance, a steady rhythm of fleeting moments,
My heart beats in languid waves of sorrow, rueful smiles come and go.
The water blue like the eyes I crave to look into,
Deep as the soul that was snatched away, the ending too abrupt.
Prejudices cling to my skin like wet sand, their words drift like wood,
Society cuts like sea glass, but the cold water has finally numbed.
It’s lonely, quiet, and finally it’s peaceful.
There is no one to witness this love no more, lost at sea.
No one to take it all away, to opinionate, to manipulate,
to repress the wings too broken to soar.
No eyes bear witness to the boy calling out to the sea,
searching for the boy he once loved and lost.
The closet no longer beckons,
the tendrils of internal despise don’t curl around my soul,
But is it too late now? Maybe…I should have held on tighter.
The sky lightens, the tears stop, the memories do too.
But a warmth seeps through the chill of the morning air,
a warmth that could only be you.
I look back, the lights glisten, the wind howls, the leaves rustle, I listen .
Did you?
Did you listen before you were gone? Blown away by the winds of disdain.
Did you drown out their voices, hear past the hatred?
Did you ever learn to accept yourself, to wear the rainbow with pride?
I wouldn’t know, it’s too late now.
The waves recede into the sea, the sky lightens,
And maybe I should have held on tighter….
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Instagram: @aiisshhhh
